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Devotion.al

Tag: grief

  • A Busy In Between

    Psalm 30; Luke 11:29–32; 1 Corinthians 15:50–58; 1 Peter 3:18–22 (read online ⧉)

    This is the day the LORD has made;
    let us rejoice and be glad in it.
    Psalm 118:24

    I believe in Jesus Christ, his only Son, our Lord.
    He was conceived by the power of the Holy Spirit and born of the virgin Mary.
    He suffered under Pontius Pilate, was crucified, died, and was buried.
    He descended to the dead.
    On the third day he rose again.
    He ascended into heaven, and is seated at the right hand of the Father.
    He will come again to judge the living and the dead.
    From the Apostle’s Creed

    Easter has happened. Cries of, “He is Risen!” and “He is Risen, Indeed!” abounded. Yet, there is a mystery between death and resurrection. Holy Saturday was a day of uneasiness, grief, morning, and shock, but what about Jesus? Jesus was very busy, apparently.

    Unlike those who had died and came back to life (such as, Lazarus), who knows what their time was after their death and before Jesus or the prophets brought them back to life. That is, curiously, not discussed in the Scriptures. Curiously, because such a death-defying moment must have had something share. There are thoughts, of course, that their mouths were sealed from talking about, or the experience was so profound it was impossible to explain (though that one would still mean stories). It could even be that they experienced no passage of time at all, so the whole question was moot.

    Jesus, on the other hand, was certainly not quiet in that time. Peter describes him as (basically) bringing the Gospel to the dead and setting them free from the bondage of (sin and) death. No rest for Jesus!

    One of the biggest arguments against Jesus and the Resurrection and the love of God is the whole concept that people were condemned to eternal separation from God before Jesus became incarnate, lived, died, buried, and resurrected. However, Peter tells us that this isn’t the case at all! The first thing Jesus did…go save some people. Jesus went to the dead people first.

    Jesus said, “Now concerning the resurrection of the dead, haven’t you read what was spoken to you by God: I am the God of Abraham and the God of Isaac and the God of Jacob?, He is not the God of the dead, but of the living.” (Matthew 22:31–32)

    Our concept of death is not God’s. Death overhangs our lives. The entirety of the COVID crisis is the fear of death of our bodies, and also all the little deaths (e.g., physical distancing) that appear to be going along with it. Death is not something that we can overcome. Only God can do that. What happens to us when we die is one thing, what Jesus did when he died is another thing completely. However, when God chooses to die for us, to liberate us from sin and death, where might the sting of death truly be?

    Gracious God, give us wisdom and guidance as we try to understand the mysteries of who you are. Allow us, Lord, to hear of your love and mercy in your Word and apply these first to our minds as we seek to read and understand. Amen.

    1) Paul’s death-defying words are inspiring, however, we have all felt the sting of death. Does Paul lie, do we misunderstand, or is there something else going on?

    2) Do you think that Jesus’ words (Matthew 22:31–32) mean that people don’t really die, or what else might it mean?

    3) What does it mean to you that Jesus first went to the dead, rather than his disciples and friends?

  • The 3 Rs: Regret, Remorse, Repent

    Matthew 27:3–4, Luke 17:1–4, Acts 8:9–25, Acts 16:22–34 (read online ⧉)

    According to Merriam-Webster…

    regret means (1)(a) to mourn the loss or death of, (b) to miss very much; (2) to be very sorry for

    remorse means (1) a gnawing distress arising from a sense of guilt for past wrongs, self-reproach

    repent means (1) to turn from sin and dedicate oneself to the amendment of one’s life; (2)(a) to feel regret or contrition, (b) to change one’s mind

    The words we use mean something. We often use regret and repent interchangeably when we talk about sin and forgiveness. How we use these two words really matter. The key to this is Jesus’ words. If the brother repents, then forgive them (and we won’t talk about the counting piece, as that is merely a distraction for today). We, understandably, question how we can tell that someone has repented. If we were to take Jesus’ words literally, we would especially question it if the person came back 7 times in a day repenting. If we use the understanding of feeling sorrow and changing one’s mind, it seems that the person really didn’t change their mind.

    Yet, if something has been ingrained and habituated, 1 day of repentance isn’t going to make a heart-, mind-, and behavior-deep change. If that were so effective, the percentage of people “breaking” their New Year’s resolutions wouldn’t be increasing day-by-day. Repentance (sorrow along with change of mind/heart) may not be a short road to walk for many issues. Sometimes the repentance for an action may be jeopardized by other behaviors and habits that resulted in the behavior repented for. For example, one doesn’t just have an adulterous affair one day (with certain psychological issues being the exception). It builds up. Staring at the other sex. Flirting with them. Placing them above your spouse. It all builds on one another. While a person may repent (whole-heartedly) of their adultery, the other behaviors that lead to it still need to be addressed.

    Regret, on the other hand, is something different. People will often regret their bad actions, but only because they were caught. Or they might regret their actions because they perceive they lost out on something they wanted. Another way to think of it can be found in the current cultural phenomenon called FOMO, which is an acronym of Fear Of Missing Out. FOMO is a fear of the potential regret one might feel for not doing something. The reality is that we all have regrets.

    The difference between regret and repent is different than a similarity in the potential grief of both, which is often where we confuse them. Regret, by and large, is selfish. This is not always the case, granted. However, if one thinks about when feelings of regret (or conveyed) it usually is not about harm inflicted upon another (that is remorse), it is about how the bad thing affected the person feeling regret. Remorse lies between regret and repent. At least remorse is about another (i.e., less selfish), but there is still selfishness involved.

    Many Christians, probably most of us, love the word repent until they need to repent. We don’t mind regretting, too much. We’re okay with remorse. The reason why regret and remorse are tolerable is they don’t really require anything of us. Repentance, on the other, requires all of us.

    1) What have you regretted in life? Why?

    2) What have you felt remorse for in life? Why? Did you make amends, or what happened?

    3) Skipping the often ingenuine “I repented of all my sins”, what have you repented of? If you committed the action that you repented of, did you really repent, or was it really regret and/or remorse?

  • Hearts of Innocence

    Jeremiah 31:15–20, Matthew 2:13–23, Hebrews 2:11–18 (read online ⧉)

    In the Evangelical Church, and even in the so-called mainstream American Denominations, the day of Holy Innocents is often skipped over. It’s uncomfortable. It’s weird. To our sensibilities, it just makes no sense. Like so many of the stories in the Scriptures, we have a hard time wrapping our heads around it.

    When spoken in Jeremiah, it is the loss of the people of Israel to exile and the loss of the Promised Land. In times of war and exile, children were often the first victims, just as it in many cases today. Lamenting wasn’t just sorrow. It was God-led grief, a ripping of the fabric of those that God had called. It was tinged with horror at what was lost, and how far away God seemed to be.

    As with many other Old Testament passages, this was called up by Jesus’ followers as a foreshadowing of Herod’s great crime…sacrificing the future (children) for the sake of his power and pride. While Herod’s Jewish ancestors were condemned for killing their children to appease demonic gods, Herod went so far as to kill God’s children to prevent anyone, including God’s Messiah, from taking “his” power.
    As an innocent baby, God became one of us. God dared, and the world dared bigger.

    With every political cycle, there is a cynical pulling of our heartstrings for the future (the children). Whether the issue is abortion, adoption, food, education, healthcare, politicians use our hearts to pull our votes. This is not to deny the importance of the issues. In fact, it is quite the opposite. By making political hay using children, the politicians belittle our hearts, our future, and our children.

    The sad part is that our culture has place children in this odd place. While we may not be Herod, children and the satisfaction of political, cultural, and personal power remains an issue. If one analyzes the political, cultural, and religious language often used, one can see god (not God) language used with and for children (through no fault or initiative of their own). Children are therefore set up to fail as they are not gods. Children, to this day, are used for power and pride. They are still Holy Innocents.

    1) We often compare our childhood to the “current” childhood. How does that cause us to miss bad (i.e., “god”) language spoken of us when we were children? Why is it both bad and good to compare language used about children?

    2) Why do you think children end up in discussions of power?

    3) Holy Innocents is a recognition that children often have no say, yet bear the consequences. How should that affect Christian conversation about the Next Generation?

  • A Covenant Of Life and Peace

    Micah 5:1-5 ,Haggai 2:5–9, Malachi 2:4–7 (read online ⧉)

    One of the biggest problems with peace…is us. Peace often does not reside well in our souls. We bear the world’s concerns as if they were our own. It is not that we are not to care about the world, but only God is capable of caring for all the concerns of the world. Our “peace” on the other hand is usually pre-occupied with what we think we give us peace: whether it is food, clothing, riches, power, things, “friends” or whatever else. Somehow having the burden for caring for all these things is supposed to give us peace.

    In Micah’s time, Israel perceives that the world is against it. It (as Micah says) is cutting itself in grief. It is an odd time for an origin prophecy. Yet, here we are with the promise that God’s proxy ruler (the Messiah) will come from Bethlehem. This Messiah will be a shepherd. The shepherd is a caretaker who loves the sheep. The shepherd will not control or direct by force, but by love. This shepherd will be their peace. The language is peculiar. The shepherd will be their peace, not the shepherd will bring peace or enforce peace. Be peace.

    Be peace. God promised that Israel would have God, granted as long as they wanted God. As they wandered further and further away from God in their hearts, while still fulfilling the trappings of faithfulness, peace in their hearts and in their lands ceased. God wasn’t done with them though. Despite all the troubles they brought upon themselves in the world, God would provide peace.

    We can look at the archetypal Levi in Malachi to understand. Those who are called to worship God directly (Levites in Israelite culture, all Christians) received a covenant of life and peace. All that was required was reverence, which often seems to be sadly lost even among those who say they “fear” God. Out of the reverence words of Truth were to come, and turn those living in sin away from it.

    1) What is reverence?

    2) Do you think reverence and peace go together? Why or why not?

    3) Why do you think the shepherd being peace is important? What does that mean to you?

  • Not All Good

    Lamentations 3:16–33, Job 2:11–13 James 1:9–18

    Wikipedia summarizes Nathan Robinson’s take on platitudes as:
    “A platitude is even worse than a cliché. It’s a sanctimonious cliché, a statement that is not only old and overused but often moralistic and imperious. … [they] have an aphoristic quality, they seem like timeless moral lessons. They therefore shape our view of the world, and can lull us into accepting things that are actually false and foolish.”

    By definition, a platitude is a “flat” saying that sounds significant but isn’t. However, Robinson’s take on the actual use of platitude is significant, especially as we look at Lamentations, or hear the mourning, grief, and pain of others.

    There is also another piece that Robinson may be unconsciously reacting to is that often platitudes hurt. The receiver of the platitude will often perceive the speaker as unsympathetic or unempathetic, at best, and dismissive or belittling at worst.

    The flip-side of a platitude is actually the heart of the speaker. Sometimes the platitude is to anesthetize the speaker! When they speak a platitude they don’t have to acknowledge the pain of the other or their own pain. Platitudes are often used because people just don’t know what to say, so it’s easier to say something seems helpful or profound (Especially if it sounds like it came from the Scriptures!) and just move on.

    The writer of Lamentations is miserable! Everything has fallen apart. However, in the midst of their woes, they hold on to God! The really important part to comprehend is not that the lamenter knows why, but that God loves them! The lamenter knows that God is present in the midst of it all.

    Job was in much the same state. What he needed was people to be present. These few verses of Job are the perfect symbol of what it means to be friends when one of the circle is grieving. Then these “friends” show why being present is the key…they open their mouths. While much of their speech would not seem to be platitudes, they actually were! Pointless, useless speech that was delivered as if it was profound, but it was heartfully and hurtfully false.

    James presents a more mature understanding of trials and grieving (don’t say it’s God’s fault), but he doesn’t diminish feelings. James, too, is fighting platitudes (people placing the blame on God, not themselves, for their failures). You can be mad at God. You can be sad. You can be upset. You can be confused (in our day and age, this one might be the most freeing). Perhaps in the midst of our pain our greatest temptation is to try to understand because when we seek to understand (and often feel that we do), we bury or hide the pain we feel. Burying and hiding pain might allow us to survive our pain, but it usually doesn’t allow us to thrive beyond it.

    1) Listening is often the alternative to platitudes. When has someone listened to your pain rather than give you platitudes? What about giving platitudes rather than listening? Which helped you more?

    2) An interesting struggle in our society is that those in pain look for answers prior to and often instead of grieving. Have you found yourself or others doing that? How can we help each restore a real and healing grieving process?

    3) Why is it so hard for us to merely sit with those who are in pain?

  • Grace for the Askers

    Luke 24:36–49, Matthew 28:16–20, James 1:2–18, Jude 20–25

    So, this guy you’ve been hanging out with for three years dies a brutal death. A few days later, he’s alive. He was dead and buried, and now alive. Must be a ghost…except they could touch the wounds and he ate. They doubted. After some more time, they meet Jesus on a mountain. They worshipped Jesus, yet they still doubted.

    We all have doubts. Sadly, however, when verses such as James 1:6 are badly used, we can question our faith. Some even go so far as to lose their faith. People take such passages and twist them so that a person cannot question or be perceived to doubt. James’ warning is sound in so far as being about requesting things (such as wisdom) from God, but false expectations of God. In other words, don’t be surprised when God doesn’t answer your prayer and walk away from the faith.

    The grave danger is that if we take James’ words without a large measure of grace and love, people will truly walk away. Jude’s words are to be gentle with doubters. Imagine a person who suffers with depression, and in the depths of depression doubts. Would you cast them out? What about a person in the midst of grief who is crying out to God? Will you shame them for doubt in the midst of their pain?

    What about the person who was raised as a non-believer and/or strict secular scientist? If they struggle with believing as it conflicts with their growing up, will you shun them and tell them they are unbelievers and should disappear?

    In our world, we should actually be encouraging doubt, or perhaps a better phrasing would be questioning. The world as it is needs a lot more questions asked. There may not be answers, but often when we ask questions aloud, the doubt and despair that can go with them loses much of its power.

    Last, but not least, often those that seek to silence the doubt and questions of others are those who have the deepest fears. When those fears remain buried, faith, love, and hope can easily be lost in a flash.

    1) Do you ever doubt or question your faith? Do you feel ashamed? Why?

    2) What can other Christians do to support you when you question? What can you do when Christians voice their own doubts?

    3) Jesus asked his followers about the why of their doubts but did not seem to diminish them because of it. Why does it appear that James does? How do you balance that with Jude?

  • To Grieve and Mourn

    Jeremiah 9:13–21, Job 6:14–30, Matthew 5:4

    Yesterday, when we were talking about misery loving company, we were ultimately talking about people without grace and generosity in their hearts. Today’s misery is very different.

    For today, misery needs company. We as a nation and as a culture are pretty awful at mourning. We have clinicized death, separating it from our lives, except for entertainment. The reason this is important is by separating ourselves from it, we have also lost the ability to mourn. We don’t even have the “professional” mourners and wailers that Jeremiah speaks of.

    Instead, many of us are like Job, feeling betrayed when our friends avoid or abandon us during our grief. You may be saying to yourself, “my friends haven’t done that” or “I have not done that to my friends”. If so, you and/or your friends have a ministry: to the church and the world. The church and the world avoid those feelings of loss and grief. The world and the church teach it differently, but the result is the same, “suck it up, and move on.”
    There is also a darker side to this, and that is when death occurs in an estranged relationship. Many of the same responses in an estranged relationship occur in “normal” relationships, for we are very much estranged from each other. In estranged relationships, there is often an “I don’t care” response. The problem is that if there are too many estranged relationships in one’s life, there is also a lot of emotional baggage that often doesn’t get dealt with.

    Jesus, however, promises that those who mourn will be comforted.

    1) If you are a follower of Jesus, and Jesus says that those who mourn will be comforted, what do you think that means for you?

    2) When you have grieved or mourned have you pushed people away? If so, why? If people “ran away” from you, how did that make you feel?

    3) When is and what makes grieving or mourning healthy and unhealthy?

  • Deceptive Misery

    2 Corinthians 9:6–11, Matthew 6:16–18

    Misery loves company, so it is said. By misery, we aren’t talking sadness, grief, or mourning. We’re talking about the attitude of heart, soul, and mind that finds the worst in it all and revels in it.

    Sadly, there is often a strain of that in the church. “Look at what I gave up” or “I give to help those…” In holiness traditions, such as ours, that has long been a tendency. What is always amazing is how it is often dressed up in “doing the right thing” or “not being of the world” or “not putting ourselves in the way of temptation”. This might sound a bit snarky. There are a lot of people who honestly mean it. Yet there is a strong (and often loud) group where they want the attention for the activities they avoid, rather than living out the grace bestowed upon all believers by Jesus. They are often miserable.

    When we read Paul’s words in 2 Corinthians 9:6–11, we (reasonably and rightfully) see wisdom regarding money and actions. Yet, the “right” actions (including giving money, time, and effort) need a basis of generosity and grace, not misery. Hearts focused on God’s immeasurable generosity and grace will be far more inclined toward sharing it with the world.

    Jesus’ words echo this when talking about those that add to their physical discomfort (hunger) and add a deliberately poor appearance. They were happy together in their misery. They took joy in their misery, using it as a source of pride, control, and influence.

    We can look around us and see many of the same tendencies in the secular world. It is not immune.

    1) As we have the wisdom of God in the scriptures, and the words of Jesus, how can we teach others (in and out of the church) to not live the life of self-righteous misery?

    2) What are your thoughts about how an attitude of grace and generosity can fulfill Paul’s words?

    3) How does fasting and giving in private add or subtract from an attitude of grace and generosity?

  • Sacred Mourning

    Psalm 25, Lamentations 3:22–27, Matthew 27:62–66

    Are your clothes in 1 piece? One of the traditional Jewish responses of extreme grief or anguish is the tearing of their clothes. Yesterday was Good Friday. Jesus died on the cross. Are your clothes torn?
    While they were able to put Jesus’ body in the tomb in time, nothing else happened. Everything just stopped. On top of their world being disrupted by Jesus’ death, now they had to wait to honor the body of their friend, master, brother, son. In our day and age, we don’t have this waiting period. We just get it done.

    Today, people will have Easter egg hunts, parties, family gatherings, trips, and so on. This is not to knock such, after all, often they are a way we (as Christians) get to share the good news.

    However, perhaps it is time for us to come up with a new tradition, a Sabbath unlike any other that we hold (if we actually observe any). It is probably too late for you this year but put this as something to think about. Perhaps we too busy preparing for Resurrection Sunday that we stop waiting. Why is this important, you may ask? It is a symptom of our lives and even our religious practices. Hurry up and get it done. When this is how we live our lives, how do we ever have the ability to wait for and on God?

    In the movie, the Passion of the Christ, there is a raindrop from the sky, implying that God the Father mourns. Let us mourn with God the Father, and with all those who lived beside Jesus. Below is the Mourner’s Kaddish, a Jewish prayer usually spoken in Aramaic (not Hebrew, interestingly). While there may be no “leader” (L) to lead you the people (P), think of a congregation together saying this in an annual (for it is done annually in honor of those who have died) service.

    L: May His great Name grow exalted and sanctified…
    P: Amen
    L: …in the world that He created as He willed. May He give reign to His kingship in your lifetimes and in your days, and in the lifetimes of the entire Family of Israel, swiftly and soon. Now say:
    P: Amen. May His great Name be blessed forever and ever.
    L: Blessed, praised, glorified, exalted, extolled, mighty, upraised, and lauded be the Name of the Holy One.
    P: Blessed is He…
    L: …praise and consolation that are uttered in the world. Now say:
    P: Amen
    L: May there be abundant peace from Heaven and life upon us and upon all Israel. Now say:
    P: Amen
    L: He Who makes peace in His heights, may He make peace, upon us and upon all Israel. Now say:
    P: Amen

  • A Seeking Heart

    Psalm 105:1–15, 2 Chronicles 20:1–22, Luke 13:22–31

    We often feel powerless in comparison to the world around us. The current pervasive feeling is that normal people do not have a voice in the government that is supposed to be theirs. Many people feel powerless in the face of medical issues, general health issue, job issues, family issues, and so on. It is easy to become overwhelmed by what we cannot do. Embrace the powerlessness.

    Sounds strange, doesn’t it? Yet, the story of Jehoshaphat is a story of a people, and their king, who recognized their powerlessness in the face of enemies far beyond their ability to deal with. Jehoshaphat embraced his powerlessness. He acknowledged it. He put it before God. God doesn’t always do something miraculous like what happened here. The miraculous is God. The powerlessness is ours. What do we do with our powerlessness? Do we study harder? Work harder? Pray harder?

    The multitude of Judah (entire families) publically placed their weakness before God. True humility is often the greatest gift parents and grandparents can give to their children and grandchildren. It wasn’t that long ago that men and women were to hide their paid either behind plastic smiles or stoic faces. Pain, toil, grief, depression, mourning, were all to be hidden, for they were a weakness. The families of Judah had no shame in sharing this. God saved them.

    Theirs was collective salvation. When we come to Jesus, there is both collective and personal salvation at stake. In particular, the narrow road and gate are more personal than collective, but the separation between the two is not as clear as we like to think. Think about the opening question regarding the number of people to be saved. That’s the wrong question! In another place in scripture, there is a similar question regarding the requirements to be saved. Again, that’s the wrong question! Actually, that’s the wrong orientation.

    Jesus’ intent is heart orientation. If we are always trying to figure out the limits, we aren’t aiming for the heart. Think about marriage. If one marries another, saying what can I get away with and still be married, it doesn’t sound right, does it? Marriage isn’t about our joy, but what we do to make the other happy. A relationship with Jesus is very similar in that regard. While Jesus’ words sound harsh, “get away from me evildoers,” it is that heart orientation: a heart seeking to do evil (what can I get away with), versus a heart seeking to make Jesus happy.

    1) Have you ever thought, what can I get away with and still be saved?

    2) If you said, “no,” has your behavior matched, “no”, or has your behavior really matched, “yes”?

    3) How do powerlessness and the narrow road go together (they do)? What does that tell you about the Christian life/walk?

    FD) Why do you think Jesus talks about the door being narrow? Why narrow? Why a door?