Tag: grieve

Dead and gone. Dead and here.

‌📖 Read

‌Matthew 22:31-32; Hebrews 11:33–12:2

‌🔎 Focus

‌

“‘I am the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob’? He is God not of the dead but of the living.”
Matthew 22:32

‌“[Jesus] will come again to judge the living and the dead”
The Apostle’s Creed

‌”I believe in…the resurrection of the body, and the life everlasting”
The Apostle’s Creed

‌‌✟ Devotion

‌The Day of the Dead (Día de los Muertos in Spanish) has become a cross-cultural celebration/observation in the US, as the holidays south of the border gain prevalence due to population changes. There is a belief that the Conquistadors brought the Day of the Dead to the New World with them, and because the Black Plague was their backdrop, it became a more morbid observation of All Souls Day.

‌In many cultures, there is a belief that for a time period (from a day to a week), the “veil” between the dead and the living is “thinned”, so that the two “sides” of the veil can interact. It probably was over varying times, but as the Western Church (particularly the Roman Catholic Church) spread, it likely coalesced to today (and yesterday for some).

‌Is the thinning of the veil true? Perhaps. It could also be, because its a day set aside for that belief, that we become aware of the separation between the living and dead. Then there was an older Christian belief that the communion of saints was such that the thinning was irrelevant, because believers were already unified.

‌The spreading of the Day of the Dead across cultures might be something more that an excuse to party or to eat or display Calavera (edible or cast skull-shaped items). The modern culture, particularly in the US, does not do death well. The Dying with Dignity movement, hospice, and other things are a shadowing of this, too (not to disparage either).

‌We fear death. The Day of the Dead and even Halloween (with its macabre and scary themes) are signs of it. They are a play, so-to-speak, that we “cheated” death. Yet, death comes for us all.

‌All Souls Day is a day set aside to recognized, grieve, mourn, those who had died. We don’t mourn those we’ve lost very well. “They’ve gone to a better place,” is a common refrain. However, their death still impacts our being, and All Souls Day is a good day to recognize that.

‌🤔 Reflection

‌Have you lost anyone this year? If so, thank God (as you are able) for their life and their impact upon your life? If they harmed you, ask God to be released from the burden of the pain, and to heal the wounds.

‌Whose death do you forget (on purpose or accidently)? What can you do to remember them?

‌Why is it important to remember the dead in our lives as relationships, rather than historical fact?

‌🙏 Prayer

‌Thank you, God, for the reminder of those you have placed in our lives for good. May we recall the blessings of the people. Amen.

2024 11 02
People Past

‌Read: Psalm 25; Isaiah 25:6-9; Philippians 3:20-21; John 6:37-40

‌‌🔎 Focus

‌“This is indeed the will of my Father, that all who see the Son and believe in him may have eternal life, and I will raise them up on the last day.”
John 6:40 (NRSVue)

Those who have died, that have been a direct part of our lives, they still live. Our hearts and memories hold them close (or far). Their good and bad helped shape us, for good and bad.

‌‌✟ Devotion

Today is All Souls Day. The day that is also termed as the Commemoration of the Faithful Departed. However, even those who do not believe that Jesus is Lord and Savior have had an impact on those of us who do so believe. It might be a stretch to want to take a church tradition and expand it, but the truth is that many of us have that person who is gone, who we miss.

‌They may have not been a believer. They may have been baptized as infants or children, but were either not raised in the faith, or lapsed. Depending, of course, on one’s tradition/theology, that baptism may or may not seal them to Christ. Ultimately, it isn’t up to us.

‌This is a little personal, I suppose. My stepfather died a number of years ago (my mom has since remarried to a good man). I realized all the conversations we didn’t have, and they are a source of regret. I remember learning that my stepfather had been baptized as a child. That was news to me. I learned it as he was being lowered into his grave.

‌Then I looked at his library. He was an avid reader. He read far more broadly than I ever have. What shocked me was the books about the Bible and religion. As an English teacher, they shouldn’t have surprised me. They were read. They had not been ignored or put on a shelf and forgotten (like many of my books), though they may have not been read in quite some time. Who knows where is heart really was with Christ? I could assume. I do hope.

‌Did my stepfather and I have issues? Of course! Yet, he still formed me. It is not unreasonable to grieve that he is gone. He was long part of my life. There is a hole where he was. My mom, dad, stepmom have their own places in my life, so this is not exclusionary, which is also important. No person can ever take the place of another.

‌Another can help you heal from the damage of bad history (including abuse), but they cannot replace someone else.

‌Perhaps today ought to be the day we set aside in our calendar to remember, mourn, celebrate, reflect, upon the lives of others and how they touched us. If you’re reading this, you are likely a believer in Jesus Christ. As such, we who believe also call Jesus the Redeemer. We can take solace, hope, and joy in that. Jesus can redeem both the joys and pains in regard to those who have touched our lives.

‌May it be so.

‌🤔 Reflection

‌Which deceased person has affected your walk with Christ (for good or bad)? How did they affect your walk? How do you imagine their life through the eyes of Jesus?

‌‌⏏️ Act

‌Ask another person who the most impactful deceased person has been in their life, and share yours. As you talk together, where can you see the redemptive power of Jesus?

‌🙏 Prayer

‌God, you have place people in our lives to help guide us into your ways. Some of them have been undisguised blessings, some are so through the redemptive power of your Son. Holy Spirit, guide our hearts and thoughts to see the power and influence of others in our lives. Amen.

2023 11 02
Joy to Tears
Psalm 22:25–31; Amos 8:1–7; Acts 8:1b–8

For many people, singing in worship of God is a significant part of their life of faith. They love the joy-filled worship of God.

The image provided in Amos takes those joy-filled songs and turns them into songs of pain, sorrow, and lament. The misery of the people of Israel (as conveyed by Amos) is that even their praise and worship had become crying and wailing. Think of a church service where all the joy was gone.

In many respects, after a number of incidents (9/11, Oklahoma City, and others) people would come to the church and grieve. Their feelings of pride and courage buried in the ashes of death. Yet, now, people don’t. We’ve had horrific things happen in our society and people aren’t looking to the church.

Perhaps we need a Saul. Perhaps COVID or Trump or Biden is our Saul. Perhaps it will be something else.

Saul persecuted the church. The members of the church left Jerusalem. The faith spread. The number of people who came to Christ grew.

We are in a state of discomfort. We, the church, are no longer sure of where we belong. We look at ourselves (the church) and wonder what’s wrong. We look at the world and wonder what’s wrong.

※Reflection※
- It can be hard to sit in the dark, when we want to be in the light of Jesus. Why is part of our purpose to be in (not of) the dark?
- What can the darkness teach us about the light?
※Prayer※

Lord, you called from the darkness into your light. You sent us back into the darkness to share your light. May we do your will. Amen.
2021 04 29
Take the Message Forward
Psalm 150; Jeremiah 30:1–11a; 1 John 3:10–16

We have a lot in front of us. The end of the COVID-era seems to be approaching. Although there seems to be a step back for every step forward, at least we are moving forward. This doesn’t mean we’ll be going back to normal. In fact, the normal we knew before is dead.

Many of will grasp for the past looking for the comfortable. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing. However, if the past we hold onto results in two steps back for every step forward, then that is not effective, nor does it fulfill our mission to Go and (p)Reach. The promise of restoration that we find in Jeremiah is indeed a message of hope. In it, though, is an underlying truth. The restoration is to the place of home/old with a new model.

The exiles would certainly enter the Promised Land again. However, they wouldn’t return to either the ways that led them to exile, nor would they return to the glory years of David and Solomon. It would be something new.

For those who remembered the old Temple, the new (to be built) temple would be a shadow of the old, and they would (understandably) mourn its loss while rejoicing with the new. Others would have only legends, dreams, and “when I was your age” stories. They would not be able to rely on the old ways. They would have to forge a new way of being in the midst of their ongoing identity.

Part of our new way of being is the reality that Christians are a minority, and even the treasured word Evangelical is almost a curse at this point. It right and understandable to mourn and grieve. It is also expected that we will be in a mode of reflection and repentance for a while, as we try to heal the rifts of our own brokenness, and the division solidified because of it and the brokenness of others.

John writes that we shouldn’t be surprised that people of the world hate us. Nor should we look for their hatred, which sometimes seems to be our default response. Nor are we to behave in a way that will solidify their hatred or their negative opinion of us. Of course, this does not mean we water down the message of reconciliation, repentance, change of heart, and resurrection.

How we do it is in a state of flux. Relations are definitely a way to allow communicating the message. There will always be a place of action of the heart (i.e., compassionate ministries). There will also always be a place for preaching. There is no one way, anymore. In fact, there never was.

We are in an awkward place where we need to be functioning in a reconciling, repenting, and heart-changing relationship with our fellow Christians. That may indeed need to come first, and only a united church will reach the world (and denominations have their place, too). Only when Christians aren’t ripping into each other and living the moral life that they are called will the world bother to listen to us. Maybe, just maybe, then they will be open to hearing about Jesus.

The future is never fully in focus. The church may be a shell. It may be completely reinvented. It may return to the First Century. The church may change, but the message never will.

※Reflection※
- What has been the hardest thing about interacting with people the last year or so? What has been the greatest thing?
- What is the one thing you are holding onto from our pre-COVID era? What are you grieving about that we are losing from the pre-COVID era?
- These things that we are holding onto, are they for the benefit of the mission to reach the world for Christ, or are they our place of comfort?
※Prayer※

Lord, the Giver of Life, we need to find the path that will lead us in such a way as to bring life and life-giving water to the world. Help us to be strong in the face of difficulties and change. Fill us with your grace and love so that we see others as bearers of the image of God, no matter about which we disagree. Amen.
2021 04 19
Graveside Dancing

Psalm 30; Hosea 13:4–14

Yesterday was the birthday of my stepfather. He passed away years ago. For whatever reason, this year his birthday hit me kind of hard. He and I had our good moments. We had our bad moments. Just like any parent-child relationship. I was his only child.

At his burial, the priest spoke about his baptism sealing him to Jesus Christ. This was spoken pastorally to people grieving. However, scripturally it has some weaknesses. His life, and to my knowledge, and beliefs were not of Jesus Christ.

On his death bed, my wife shared the Good News of Jesus Christ. He was in a “non-responsive” state. Yet, she felt a physical response to the invitation to accept Jesus Christ as his Savior. Only in Heaven will I learn if the baptism was “sealing” as the priest said, or whether the physical response truly was an acceptance of Jesus. I can only hope and trust in God.

Why share the angst? “I cried to you for help, and you healed me.” In our pain and sorrow, God is there to “turn [our] lament in dancing”. Joy in Christ in the midst of the pains of life is the life we are called to.

In lament and pain, it is easy for our faith in God to be shaken, while at the same time relying more firmly on God will help us through the pain.

There are many kinds of loss. The verses of Hosea summarize loss. The people lost (walked away from) God. They had experienced blessing, then they lost it. The vision of loss sounds brutal. Think of it though from God’s anguished heart.

“…like a bear robbed of her cubs.” Have you seen a momma bear (or many human mothers) separated from their children, with the feeling that the kids are threatened? I’ve seen a recorded version of one and lived the other. Don’t be the one that separates momma from the cubs. Just don’t.

THAT’S GOD! Something is between momma (God) and the cubs (the children of God)! That is just not going to go well! It could be a kingdom that has the name Israel or Judah attached to it.

THAT is the concept of ransom and redemption. Death and Sheol are not going to be forgiven for taking away the Children of God. The exact mechanism (despite a whole lot of theologians arguing over it for centuries) is unknown. All we know is that heart of God wants to turn our lament into dancing and our sorrow into joy.

※Questions※

1) What’s do you think about dancing at the death of death?

2) As Christians, why does death still frighten us? If we truly believe that a fellow Christian is in Heaven, why do we grieve?

3) “Deathbed Conversions” will continue to decrease, as too many don’t know the basics of Jesus. How will you turn regular conversations into God conversations?

※Prayer※

Father, thank you for redeeming us from death through the death and resurrection of your Son. May the Holy Spirit guide our hearts to speak the words of Christ to the world. Amen.

2020 10 03
Bound Emotion

Bound Emotion

4 September 2020

Ezekiel 24:15–27; Jeremiah 16:5–9

There is something unusual about marriage. For whatever reason, a man and a woman have a special kind of relationship that transcends logic. There is a deep spiritual aspect to it that is part of the Christian marriage ritual, “what God has joined let man not separate.”

While this is the ideal, we are all far from the ideal. As much as there are men and women who are “2-become-1”, there are a great many couples were 1 plus 1 equals neither 1 nor 2. In most such cases, barring miraculous intervention, the couple separates.

A few decades ago, the concept of “no-fault” divorce was invented. In reality, it mostly seems to have been an “agreement” that the reason for the divorce was something other than infidelity (whether of sexual or other nature) and that it was okay. This was a “thumb the nose” at the church, but it was also a recognition that the church often failed to understand this sacred institution.

The deep deception of “no-fault” divorce was the perception that “no-fault” meant “no hurt”. Divorce hurts. Sometimes it is the path to divorce. Sometimes it is the event. Sometimes it is the result. Sometimes it’s all of it.

There is something deep within us that understands marriage is not to be trifled with. This is why younger generations are putting it off, even while cohabitating. This is also why same-gender marriage became a cultural phenomenon.

Despite powerful and public peoples’ often peculiar and sometimes alliance driven marriages, most normal people see something transcendent in marriage. Even in this day and age where divorce in the church is as high (if not higher) as the culture around. There is still something.

Imagine then what it would be like to receive the message as Ezekiel did. While you may have received, for example, the news that a loved one was going to die, or even suddenly died, you had the ability to grieve. Ezekiel was commanded to not grieve. Just as he would soon bury his wife, he would bury his feelings.

Males are, granted, more likely to tuck their feelings away. However, just as we are often tempted or even driven to disobey when commanded to do (or not do) something, imagine Ezekiel being commanded to not grieve, which probably made the loss of his wife even more pronounced on his heart.

While the Scriptures do not say that Ezekiel stands figuratively in the place of God, it does make sense. The precious bride (Israel) is about to die (conquered and exiled). This is a result of sin and corruption. God, therefore, cannot grieve for God’s holiness was denied. If God were to grieve, God might protect Israel once more, allowing it to fall even more deeply into depravity.

This gets even darker in Jeremiah’s words. Jeremiah is banned from lamenting with any family who has lost a loved one. In other words, lamentation has become a luxury. The gift of lamentation has been taken away. The gifts of consolation, commiseration, and sympathy have also been taken away. Through their disobedience, the deepest loss is now only a fact. Hearts and feelings must be set aside.

※ Prayer ※

Father God, we are thankful for your never-ending mercy. Give us the wisdom and discernment to be bearers of your compassion, mercy, and love for all of those who are grieving in these days. Amen.

※ Questions ※

1) What does it mean to lament, to you? How is that different from being sad or grieving, if anything?

2) Have you ever repressed really strong emotions? Why? What were the lingering effects?

3) In Jewish/Israelite society, grief and lament were semi-public community events. How did that work in the church pre-COVID? How does it work now?

2020 09 03
Lamenting Forward

Ezekiel 2:1–3:3; Lamentations 3:17–33; Ecclesiastes 3:1–8

There are two prevailing feelings currently: fear and anger. Neither one is productive over time. In the end, they can destroy a person emotionally and spiritually.

Ezekiel ate words of lament, mourning, and woe. In the vision, the edible scroll tastes a sweet as honey. At the same time, there was no joy in the words themselves.

One of the biggest lessons that the current atmosphere can teach us is that we need to mourn what we have lost. We are even still in the midst of losing our perception of culture(s), country, and even church. We fight the loss.

We don’t want to lose all that we hold dear. At the same time, there is another feeling that is harder to quantify… God is doing something new. We don’t know what that new is, which causes us to be even more emotionally reactive.

God can (and does) handle our anger and fear. God is greater than that. We, though, need to lament, grieve, and mourn.

When we lose a loved one, we miss them. We grieve. We mourn. We understand that it is not only acceptable, it is also healthy. We also must—as hard as it is—find a way to move forward.

That is currently the way many things are right now. One of the great difficulties is to choose what to mourn and move past, and what to struggle for. As the situation around COVID continues, we will continue to have to work and walk together to find a way forward.

We all must be grace-filled as people struggle with their grief masked in fear and anger. Only the God of hope can turn the anger and fear into a drive to move forward in faithfulness. Let us all be people of hope.

※Prayer※

Heavenly Father, guide us to be people of hope, not just any hope, but the hope of the crucified and risen Son. Amen.

※Questions※

1) What is one thing you are angry about right now? How about fearful? What about grieving?

2) If you were to rank each of these in order, what would they be, and why?

3) Which of these has the greatest effect upon your Christian walk? How so?

2020 08 11
Time Alone

Matthew 14:1–23

Jesus’ cousin and herald was dead. He was murdered. Why was he murdered? He called the powerful to account.

Herod’s marriage to Herodias had some issues. Herod had visited Herodias while she was still married to Herod’s brother, Philip. They decided they like each other, so they decided to be married.

However, Herodias didn’t want to share the house with Herod’s current wife who wisely read the writing on the wall and fled to her father‘s house. As a historical aside, this created bad feelings and ultimately led to the military defeat of Herod, eventual downfall and exile.

So, Herod wasn’t really divorced or a widower. His brother was still alive. Yet Herod married his brother’s wife. The only time in Jewish law that was appropriate was when the brother had died with no son.

John the Baptist condemned it. Herod, probably more to please Herodias than anything, put John in jail. Herodias wasn’t satisfied, and we read the rest of the story.

Jesus’ first response wasn’t to call Herod to account. Jesus made no public declaration at all. How different than our current age.

Jesus’ first response was to withdraw. Just like the rest of us at times, Jesus was not going to just move on. It is easy to infer that Jesus needed time to grieve and spend time with God the Father, even though the Scriptures do not give a full explanation.

Not that it’s bad to step away and grieve. It’s healthy, and there is a Jewish practice that goes with that (something that the church needs to approach).

Even more so for Jesus, John was his herald, his baptizer, his cousin, and probably the one person that Jesus felt a spiritual kinship due to their tied-together callings.

What happened next is sad, but we see it today. A famous person has a bad (or good) event, and people clamor around them. Famous people today have PR people deliver a statement that often asks for personal and private space to grieve. How sad that it isn’t given automatically.

Jesus may have intended such, but then see how he loved them. Jesus set aside his needs for others.

However, there are a couple of pieces that need to be addressed. First, the amount of time spent was actually minimal. It also had an end. Then once the people were satisfied, he sent the disciples away, the people away, and he had time between himself and God.

Often the focus is that Jesus set his needs aside for others. He did. Jesus also still made sure his needs were met.

In times of trial and trouble, such as caring for family that are ill, it is easy to set one’s needs aside. In the end, that breaks us unnecessarily. Not only are we hurt, but often we hurt others as our internal limits are broken.

We are not machines that can go and go. Honestly, machines can’t either. Machines need maintenance. So do we. Make sure that you are finding time for yourself and finding time for God. This is not a waste of time. It is what makes the rest of the time sustainable.

※Prayer※

Jesus, as we live in a high-performance culture, help us to keep the vital rhythm of care for ourselves and fellowship with you. Amen.

※Questions※

1) What practices do you have to “maintain” yourself? Do you have any that involve doing nothing?

2) Have you ever experience relief of anguish or pain because you were distracted by other needs? What happened to the anguish or pain?

2020 07 04