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Devotion.al

Tag: relationships

  • Burning Jealousy

    Genesis 37:3–11, 1 Samuel 16:1–13, 1 Samuel 17:12–29, Proverbs 14:30

    Unrighteous jealousy is very much a human feeling. Joseph’s brothers were, without question, jealous of Joseph. Their father was—in many respects—the initiator of their jealousy, for he treated Joseph differently than them. He even had a special robe made for him. It is not unreasonable to look at the robe as a foreshadowing of the royal station that Joseph would get. It was completely inappropriate for the contest of being the 2nd youngest to be so elevated, yet he was.

    As the Proverb said, the brothers’ jealousy corrupted them down to their bones. Their brother was condemned to slavery (they thought). Yes, they didn’t kill them, but that doesn’t excuse the fact that it was their first thought. Then, in a capstone to their jealousy, they put blood on the “royal” coat and deceived their father. It was an act of respect in regard to their father’s place in their lives. Mostly, however, it was an act of cruelty. They were able to get back at their father, too.

    Unlike Joseph’s dreams, with Joseph sharing them, David’s anointing was external. The holy man and (last) judge of Israel, Samuel, anointed David. David really had nothing to do with it, other than obeying his father (Jesse) and submitting to the anointing. We can see later on, though, that the brothers weren’t responding well to their brother. Eliab, the de facto leader of David’s brothers, spoke poorly to David. We can see by David’s response that this is not a new thing. Yes, in many respects this is the reality of siblings. On the other hand, the Scriptures often highlight the important things, implying that Eliab’s jab was more than sibling rivalry.

    The jealousy that seeks to elevate oneself at the cost of another rots human relationships “to the bone.” Jealousy is the sign of an unbalanced relationship.

    1) Why is focusing on the jealousy within families so important? What lessons can we learn from it?

    2) Unrighteous jealousy usually involves taking from others. When have you seen this? What have you done, if you could, to resolve the situation?

    3) Usually all parties involved in a jealousy situation are affected/harmed. Why do you think the jealous person will often work against their self?

  • Binding Ties

    1 Samuel 2:12–17, 1 Samuel 2:22–36, Matthew 10:16–23, Ephesians 6:10–20

    Who or what are the dark powers that Paul talks about in Ephesians? Perhaps they are the family members that oppose believers. Perhaps they are the family members the “dress up” in righteous clothing and whose behavior is unrighteous.

    Eli’s sons Phinehas and Hophni are the second set of “pastor’s” kids in the Scriptures (the first were Aaron’s sons) who went off the deep end. Their lack of respect for others’ sacrifices was bad just on an interpersonal level. It was a form of bullying. Was there a penalty? Yes, but that doesn’t really improve the results. How many people were scarred toward the priesthood? How many became reluctant attendees because of their behavior? This can only be thought of through conjecture. Just based on human behavior, it seems likely that the behavior of Eli’s sons caused a ripple effect of unseen damage. For cultural, societal, and religious reasons people would still go, for the cost of not going could result in ostracization.

    What kind of opposition was Jesus expecting? Families kicking out believers. Families turning in believers. Family gatherings devolving into religious arguments and divisions. Even Jesus’ own family was divided until at least after his death.

    The dark powers really are the sin of humankind. Yes, there are dark supernatural powers and influences. Sadly, however, humanity has enough darkness inside itself that outside influence is often not required to make a mess of things. Jealousy, envy, hatred are in many respect the true dark power of humanity. Along with pride, humanity will often do many things which appear to be contrary to the concept of humanity.

    Within families, the excesses often seem to be magnified. While we often think about the awkward family reunion, sometimes we find it in other “families”, whether they be fraternal orders, unions, clubs, church, Homeowners Associations, or whatever. There are always powers that work to separate the ties that bind us together.

    1) What have you experienced that tests the bonds of your relationships with others?

    2) Do you have a tendency to look at yourself or at others first when there is a problem?

    3) What is the strongest tendency you have that pushes others away from you? What is the strongest tendency you have that draws others to you?

  • Long Haul Saving

    Numbers 21:4–9, Galatians 5:22–24, 2 Corinthians 6:3–13

    The story is of the staff is fascinating, and we can see its long-reaching effects even today (look at many ambulances). However, as fun as that might be, we need to talk about one of the underlying causes of the tale…the impatience of the Israelites.

    In many ways, the tale of the Israelites is like a long car ride with children…are we there yet?
    One commentator pointed out that the staff forced the Israelites to stop looking down at the world and their problems, and look up to God for life. Seems pretty poetic when we look at it that way.
    In many respects, the impatience of the Israelites was based upon them looking at their situation, and thinking it has to be better than this. They spoke against God and Moses. Now, in earlier devotionals and during the sermon series on suffering, we talked/read/listened to how God can handle our anger. For those who are parents and have withstood their children’s anger, imagine what it took God to get to this point.

    The Israelites were impatient to get to this great home that they had been promised and had been told about for generations. Knowing the active imaginations of today, what “fairy” tales and legends did they hear or invent. Maybe none. The tale that brought the promise was already pretty impressive.
    If we take a step back, however, from the Israelites, we can see that while the Israelites are on a quest to “go home”, for God this is where they belong to be the (foreshadowed) light in the darkness. Israel was an ancient thoroughfare. By being where they were, they could (if they were faithful) be able to share God with the ancient world. Granted, they did. Imagine, however, what could have happened if they had truly trusted and waited on God. In other words, what if they had been patient (not just in the story from Exodus), and had let God’s (good) plan for them unfold.

    Patience is not a word any of us like, and often don’t like to live. We often are impatient to do something, when patience could have done it better. When Paul speaks of patience as a fruit of the spirit, he is talking about the Holy Spirit. As a child of God, you have the Holy Spirit working inside of you. That means you have patience. That doesn’t mean you like it. However, patience (and long-suffering) are key tools for missions and outreach.

    In today’s world, impatient evangelism will not win as many long-term salvations. It is long-term relationships. Are they quick? Nope. The truth is that we are no longer at a cultural point where quick evangelism will work. The “ground” is hard, rocky, and/or filled with weeds. It will take a very long time to work the ground into what it could (and should) be…fertile ground for the Word of God.

    The fruit the spirit is for the mission, not to say, yay, we made it. The mission is to reach people for Jesus Christ. When it comes to the Gospel, patience isn’t a virtue, it is a necessity.

    1) What is the dark side of patience? What problems for sharing the Gospel can too much patience create?

    2) Who is someone you are being patient with? Why?

    3) Do you think it is true that the fruit of the spirit is for the mission? Why or why not?

    4) What do you think was the mission of the people of Israel?

  • Who Restores

    Deuteronomy 30:1–5, Jonah 2:2–9, Isaiah 44:24–28

    Have you ever recognized that there is an implied title and character of God that gets missed? Restorer.

    We use Healer, often, which is close. Another word could be Reconciler. We don’t use Restorer or Reconciler, because in most cases of their use (restore and reconcile), they are action verbs, not nouns.

    Yet, restoration and reconciliation are at the heart of Jesus. Think of it this way. Through Jesus’ sinless walk on Earth and his sacrificial death on the cross, we are reconciled to God (relationship). Through baptism and Jesus’ resurrection, we are restored (position) to the “place” we would have had prior to the Fall (Adam and Eve).

    It can be easy to fall into the reconciliation way of thinking, because while on Earth that is both our expectation and our experience.

    We get a taste of restoration in baptism, but it really is a poor experience in comparison to the full restoration once we are in Heaven.

    1) What do you think of restoration and reconciliation?

    2) How do you think restoration and reconciliation work with other people?

    3) We can understand how reconciliation works with our interpersonal relationships. How does restoration work? Thinking about restoration as God restores, is it possible for a damaged relationship to be restored? Why or why not?

  • People Needed

    Isaiah 30:8–17, 1 Thessalonians 2:2–12

    “To make Christlike disciples in the nations.”—Church of the Nazarene Mission Statement

    “Iron sharpens iron and one person sharpens another.”—Proverbs 27:17

    Discipleship is not a program, nor is it a class. It is a lifestyle. If we are not careful, Sunday School, Life Groups, Youth Group, Children’s Church, even Sunday Service become mere flattery of our wordly wants and desires, rather than discipleship.

    If you aren’t being challenged by God’s Word and Spirit during or as a result of these (even as the leader), then it is all empty. Will the challenge always occur? No. If it rarely or never occurs, that is the “best” indicator.

    The problem is that we often just want easy, even at Church. Church, sadly, isn’t meant to be easy. Church, as framily, is meant to be transforming. Transformation can often be painful or uncomfortable.

    In Isaiah, we read the consequences of flattery and (pointless/false) positive words, and it isn’t pretty. Paul challenged the Thessalonians to listen for the Gospel, rather than be flattered by the speakers trying to turn them away from the Gospel and probably against Paul himself.

    We are to be challenged, not because our views are true or false, but through the maturing of our faith as it faces the real world is how we show the world the love of Christ, and become the light of the world.

    The hard part for our egos is that we often want people to be nice when we need them to be kind. What’s the difference? Think of someone standing on the railing of a tall skyscraper with a strong wind. Nice: “be careful.” Kind: pull them back, even if it hurts them. One is passive (doormat). One is life. In a true discipleship relationship, we need kind people, and we need to be authentic. That is scary.

    1) What discipleship relationships and patterns do you have?

    2) It’s easy to say prayer, bible reading, and attending church are your patterns. However, plenty of people do those, too, and we don’t call them Christians. What is the difference?

    3) With the new Life Groups in the Fall, what new path will you take? Will you join (or lead) a Life Group? Or will you start a small band with the covenant to sharpen one another? Or will you stagnate?

  • Be Strange

    Joshua 7:3–15, 1 Thessalonians 4:1–12

    The pivotal character in the book Dune at one point talks about having a “stamp of strangeness” put upon him. This stamp was definitely a different context, yet “stamp of strangeness” was and is exactly what God does to us when he calls us and we accept him.

    When the Israelites are finally about to enter the Promised Land, God calls on the Israelites to consecrate themselves. In other words, they were to emotionally, spiritually, and physically separate themselves for the work (taking, living, and thriving) in the Promised Land. This means that Egypt was a closed door. This means that they were to be separate even from their “relatives” (i.e., the descendants of Esau, Jacob’s brother). They were to be strange.

    Paul later tells the Thessalonians to be strange, too. In this passage, there is a cultural battle they are facing. In their larger culture, it wasn’t uncommon that a man had a wife (often a political or social marriage), a lover (intellectual and/or sexual), a concubine (generally an indentured servant or slave), and a prostitute. A man would be considered normal to have at least 3 of these, and potentially more (e.g., the number of concubines and prostitutes could vary). In some areas, this was encouraged. Heterosexual monogamy was strange. It doesn’t appear that there were specific issues that Paul was addressing, but an attitude and expectation. Just like the Israelites, Christians were to be strange.

    Due to human frailty, we often don’t want to be strange. We want to be normal. We want to fit it. While it is important to have non-Christian friends and acquaintances, it is due to the expectation of being strange that means we (as Christians) must have Christians in our most intimate (non-sexual) relationships where we are held accountable and hold others accountable.

    When we read Paul’s words today, they are strange yet again. The world is heading toward (and arguably is) a society of relationships that are not in line with God’s creation (especially sexually). One can point to a huge number of issues (and it’s not one or two) that are not only opposed to created intent but are also being found to inhibit or damage real relationships with people. Paul addresses that, too, when he talks about behaviors damaging others in the faith, and they don’t have to be participants to be damaged.

    All believers are called to be progressively sanctified. In other words, part of our Christian journey to be continually shaped by the Holy Spirit into the image of Christ in partnership with fellow maturing believers. The “stamp of strangeness” grows stronger, and becomes a cross to bear in the world of the transforming nature of God.

    1) What are you actively doing to place yourself in an authentic accountable relationship? If nothing, what is holding you back?

    2) The world speaks and trumpets individuality. However, the world only celebrates “safe” individuality. What makes “Christian” individuality dangerous? Is there really such a thing is a Christian individual apart from the body of Christ?

    3) Thinking to the separation aspect, what is a place in your life that you need more separation from the world?

  • Sown

    Lamentations 3:25–33, Matthew 13:3–9

    For there to be a harvest, there needs to be seed and sower. God’s love is both faithful and abundant. All too often, however, we treat God’s love as scarce. There is a concept called the “scarcity mentality.” This mentality is one that views things as a zero-sum game, and that there must be winners and losers, and supply is limited.

    Sadly, in many human relationships, there is a scarcity of love, trust, belief, value, acceptance. Our human relationships shape how we relate to God. So, when our human-to-human relationships are skewed, our relationship with God is, too.

    The problem is how that affects our ability to be the laborers in the fields of the Kingdom.

    The sower parable is interesting in that it represents God (to some degree). The sower isn’t sticking to a row of surety, but casting seed all over the place! What a mess! What a waste! What abandon! God already knows that much of the seed will not “bear fruit.” God does it anyways.

    We, however, often sow in scarcity or in nice, neat, controlled, little rows, stingily putting down seed, calculating the best yield for our efforts. The issue isn’t the yield, but the heart that sowed. We think we are being wise in our resources, however, one of the greatest risks is that our stinginess reflects our view of God.

    1)What is your view of God’s love and faithfulness? Does that view match your life?

    2) How do you see a scarcity or generosity mindset in others?

    3) How can you encourage the generosity mindset in others?

  • Family Issues Galore

    Genesis 29:21–30:24, Genesis 35:16–20

    Jacob’s family relationships (as we read yesterday) were already a mess. His Uncle Laban did not help relational stability by setting up his own daughters to have discord in their marriage.

    The consequence is that sister wives fought over their husband. They also used their servant-women as bargaining chips. From our perspective, what occurred with Jacob’s wives, their servants, and the resultant sons is crazy. We can reasonably condemn Jacob for allowing this. At the same time, sons were the “greatest” wealth. He would do what was necessary to make sure of that. However, his wisdom is deeply in question.

    1) What do you think the relationships between the brothers would have been like? How would the relationships between the four mothers impacted the brothers’ relationships between each other and their parents?

    2) Blended families bring in the traumas of more than 2 families, and often create more trauma on top of it. What can the church do to help in that? Do you know blended families? How do you related to them?

    3) Our modern concept of the “nuclear” family would seem to be in sharp contract to Jacob’s family. What are both positive and negative lessons we can learn from these families?

  • Freeing the Rules

    Psalm 119:153–168, Deuteronomy 6, Galatians 5:1–15

    Rules and regulations. We often don’t like them. At the same time, there are many who are calling for more and more rules and regulations. People want to control people’s thoughts and their expressions of their thoughts. People want to control others’ behavior, but don’t want theirs controlled.

    When Paul refers to the Law of the Jews (e.g., circumcision), there is a Jewish understanding that the Jews failed miserably to follow the Law perfectly. So, to do a better job of following the law that they couldn’t already follow, they added more laws.

    The whys of rules and regulations should often be more the focus than the actual rules and regulations. When Moses talks about the whys, it is contained within Deuteronomy 6:4–6. “Listen, Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. Love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. These words that I am giving you today are to be in your heart.”

    It’s not that breaking the rules wasn’t serious. It was. What was of primary importance was a relationship with God.

    Note also what comes after that, teaching and guiding others into that same relationship.

    Then, and only then, do we get to the rules. Many Bibles have a heading before verse 10 to the effect of Remembering God Through Obedience. So, the rules aren’t about the rules, they’re about God. For Christians, the “rules” of Exodus, Leviticus, and Numbers are more like guidelines, good and healthy guidelines for relationships, but guidelines. They are for a time and place and context, which isn’t ours.

    So, Christians create more rules. These rules are in many ways far worse than the rules of the Law. Many people use the “new” rules to condemn people to Hell, without knowing them. The rules are often used with fear and intimidation. That certainly isn’t the freedom that Paul was talking about.

    1) When you think of rules, what are your feelings? How do you feel when someone else breaks the rule? How about when you break the rules?

    2) Why do you think the rules and remembering are tied together? How does that affect the way you feel about rules?

    3) We all set rules and expectations regarding the behavior of others. What do you do when someone violates them?

  • To Grieve and Mourn

    Jeremiah 9:13–21, Job 6:14–30, Matthew 5:4

    Yesterday, when we were talking about misery loving company, we were ultimately talking about people without grace and generosity in their hearts. Today’s misery is very different.

    For today, misery needs company. We as a nation and as a culture are pretty awful at mourning. We have clinicized death, separating it from our lives, except for entertainment. The reason this is important is by separating ourselves from it, we have also lost the ability to mourn. We don’t even have the “professional” mourners and wailers that Jeremiah speaks of.

    Instead, many of us are like Job, feeling betrayed when our friends avoid or abandon us during our grief. You may be saying to yourself, “my friends haven’t done that” or “I have not done that to my friends”. If so, you and/or your friends have a ministry: to the church and the world. The church and the world avoid those feelings of loss and grief. The world and the church teach it differently, but the result is the same, “suck it up, and move on.”
    There is also a darker side to this, and that is when death occurs in an estranged relationship. Many of the same responses in an estranged relationship occur in “normal” relationships, for we are very much estranged from each other. In estranged relationships, there is often an “I don’t care” response. The problem is that if there are too many estranged relationships in one’s life, there is also a lot of emotional baggage that often doesn’t get dealt with.

    Jesus, however, promises that those who mourn will be comforted.

    1) If you are a follower of Jesus, and Jesus says that those who mourn will be comforted, what do you think that means for you?

    2) When you have grieved or mourned have you pushed people away? If so, why? If people “ran away” from you, how did that make you feel?

    3) When is and what makes grieving or mourning healthy and unhealthy?